The Lingo

Within the next ten years the six to nine year olds I work with in the Get Cheddar Club will be formally introduced to Shakespeare, the U.S. Constitution, DNA and Darwinism. Unfortunately, I have done their future teachers a disservice.

In an attempt to introduce the kids to confusing and confounding financial language, I primed them with lines from the not-always-easy-to-understand movers and shakers mentioned above (as well as Thomas Hardy's pithy line, "Some folk want their luck buttered.") in a drive-by intro.

As in previous classes I drew a parallel to their experiences in school.

"Who wants to get good grades in school?"

They all raised their hands high to the question. They all then did their best to read words and ideas severely unfamiliar to them. And they all plead guilty to not understanding what they had read. Bless their hearts.

How much, I asked, would you bet that you'd get an A on what you just read? A little or a lot? I then waited for them to reply: a little.

"A lot!!!" they all answered.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah!"

I had a feeling this was a conditioned answer, one based on confidence and expectations. I then walked them through their options. Eventually they changed their minds to a little.

"Who wants to own their own home?"

Again hands shot up in the air.

"Well then, you'll have to read this." My assistant and I then handed out sample mortgages to all the kids.

"Elena, please read the first paragraph."

Elena did so, battling through the legalese, but as she did the others skimmed the material and quickly decided they had had enough for one day, especially if no one was going to butter their mortgages never mind their luck.

I then rephrased my earlier question.

"If you don't understand this, would you sign it?"

"No!!!" they responded loudly.

"Why?"

Now I had conditioned them to answer no. Their reasons for not signing didn't quite add up. They didn't quite understand the danger of signing something they didn't understand. And this is where the chorus to the day's song came in handy:

If I don't get it,

you don't get it.

In other words, "If I don't understand, you don't get my money." They ate that up. It has attitude especially when sang three times, each time louder than the time before. In fact, it got going so good that one little boy in class outdid my conducting by introducing a little MC Hammer touch with a, "Stop!" His classmates adopted that immediately. 

While they may bristle at reading Othello or their biology textbook in high school, I can only hope when posed with a difficult financial document to sign that they remember that chorus and ask questions or walk away. Leading up to the financial crisis of 2008, too many people signed mortgages that they didn't understand out of fear of looking like a fool or weak in front of a loan officer, their spouse or their neighbor. And too many feared questioning the financial products they sold and didn't understand.

They didn't get it, and we all ended up getting it alright.